Just a feeling.

It's been about 2 weeks since my last blog. Not much has happened really. I'm starting to feel a little sorry for myself, though. I know that what I'm thinking/feeling are probably excuses... but I never have enough energy to do anything about it. My foot is killing me, and it hurts to walk, get up, or do anything. I'm always tired, and I feel like I have no time to get any exercise done. God, even reading this makes me sound like I'm whining.
I just feel so depressed. Like I'm in a vicious cycle. I have no energy to exercise or help fix what's wrong, but I can't fix what's wrong without excercise, but I don't have the energy to. If I do it in the morning, I'll be all sweaty for work. Ain't gonna happen. By the time I get home, my foot is THROBBING and I can barely pull myself up the stairs let alone use the eliptical. I want to, I so want to be healthier, but I can't pull myself out of this cycle. Is it mental?? I'm going to the pharmacy to pick up my pills... but is that going to help?? Is it physical?? I so wish sometimes I can just get lyposuction to get me down 150 lbs so I can start from a weight I was at least comfortable with. I know that's not the answer, but it seems so easier... when I do watch what I eat, it always seems like it doesn't do any good. It's just getting worse, and I don't know how to fix it.
I know it seems I'm feeling sorry for myself. Yeah, it is my blog, and I don't want to depress everyone, but I'm depressed myself. I feel like I'm at the end of my rope and nothing that anyone tries to do makes me feel any better. I dont know what to do, or how to feel. Put it this way... I'm sitting here waiting for a call at work, and I'm tearing up.
Not much else to say so I'm signing off.

Nice people in Toronto?!?

Hey there! Today started out ok (hey, I'm at work early and haven't started yet)... Rick has some training/orientation session here downtown so we came into work together. We bought McD's for breakfast (his of which is still in MY bag, as we forgot to divy out the food) and caught the subway from York Mills. From there, we got off at Queen, used the bank machine there, and walked down to King. It's a helluva lot farther from Queen to King then I thought it was. Oh well, he got there on time, and we found the building he needed. I then proceeded to walk back up to Queen and Bay (just north actually) to where I work. I continued along King, turned north on Bay, stopped at Tim's to get a coffee to go with my McDonald's and continued up the street.

Now, here's the purpose of the title... everywhere I go, I see rude people. People pushing people, cars honking at one another, old men giving me dirty looks on the subway as he doesn't have as much personal space as the 1/2 mm that everyone else has... it was really nice to see someone actually CARE about what happened to SOMEONE ELSE. Ok, here's what I did: To get to Tim's I crossed Bay at Adelaide to get to the west side. Went to Tim's, then walked north, and crossed Bay back to the east side, and then crossed Queen from there. I get on the north-east corner of Queen and Bay, and there's a few people waiting for the light, and a guy on roller-blades cutting through everyone. He sneaks behind a guy (between him and the wall) who just happens to be drinking coffee from his thermos, whams into him on the back, and the force pushes the roller-blade-guy away, and the coffee to spit out of the coffee-drinking-guy. RBGuy actually stopped, turned around and came back, asking CDGuy if he was ok. Which he was, as he nodded and proceeded to de-coffee his face. Life went on as normal, they crossed the road, and I proceeded around old City Hall to work.

The point of that whole story: RBGuy didn't HAVE to stop. And most times I've seen it, they don't stop. Most RB-people or Bike-people (here in downtown and not pertaining to Michele and Bill!) tend to be rude and not give a crap about who they cut-off or how they affect traffic. But RBGuy actually DID stop, and make sure CDGuy was ok before he went on with his day. Yeah, CDGuy may have a few coffee stains on his shirt, but at least he can arrive at work (or whereever he was going) knowing that he was apologized to, and he wasn't whammed into on purpose.

I hope I see more polite people in Toronto - people that do something that others don't normally do, just because it's nice. It takes less time than you think to apologize to someone, and may make someone else's day a tad nicer for the effort.

Finally!!

Yeah, I know, you're wondering "where the hell is Vicky and why hasn't she blogged lately??"... No? Well start wondering, Dammit! hehe Life is busy, or at least it seems that way, but I guess I'm not finding the time, nor the energy to write out my days... a few things have happened lately, nothing earth shattering, but enough to comment on...

First one... last year, as most may know, Mary moved out with 11 days notice. As she hadn't given us the 60 days that she promised us that she would, Mom and Dad bailed her out and gave us two months of her rent ($1,000 total). Great, no problem. Now, Mom is calling that a loan. They bailed MARY out, and it's a loan to US? Right. Not about to argue, I agreed (hey, it does wipe out all the other money we've borrowed over the years, and she didn't count that in!!) and said that we'd fit it into the budget late summer. Last week, I get an email from Mom asking to know when we'll be paying her back as things are tight for them. I understand tight. Hey, Rick and I LIVED "tight" for a long time. But what she doesn't realize is that they're tight because she isn't working. She quit her job because she wanted to go on vacation, booked it, and were set to leave already before she was told that she wasn't getting the time off of work. So she left and went on vacation anyway. I understand she doesn't want to work, but what has she always told me?? Don't burn my bridges; gotta work to pay the bills etc... now she's saying that her job always gave them the little extra to do other things with. Great. Sure. Yup, Mom, good of you to realize. And now, Mom is also asking for it back, like NOW, so things can loosen up.

First, Mom needs to realize we cannot come up with $1000 off the fly. Second, Mom needs to realize she put herself into this position and not blame others. Third, I wish she'd be more understanding. Rick and I actually did look at the budget. We cannot pay her until October without taking money out of the trip fund. If we pay her now, we won't be able to go. I explained all that to her, nicely, reminding her that she used the same reason for not lending us money at some point. She responds back the next night, and I quote: "Message received. Not happy, but received." I was so pissed off!! This is Rick's and my FIRST vacation together, on our own, where we actually get to GO SOMEWHERE! And she's pissed off because I can't throw money at her when she snaps her fingers?? I know she's bailed us out a few times, and I thanked her for that. BUT, Dad makes enough money to pay the bills. That was our entire problem before!! JEEZ. So I wrote her back and explained AGAIN, stating that she had bailed MARY out, and that I am taking the responsibility of paying it back, but we cannot do it until then without cancelling the trip. And I'm sorry, I won't do that.

So I haven't heard from her since. I'm a little peeved, but she probably is too. Hopefully things'll be ok on Monday - her birthday - when I call her. I'll keep you posted.

Rob and Tracy finally called the other day. Her and Tyannah have been sick, so they haven't done much. They've also come home to a notice saying that the government wants to buy their property as the highway extension of the 404 (although she said the 407) is going to right through their yard. They need to be out by December 2006. So now, they're going to need to look for another house as soon as they hear the offer from the government.

The flowers I got from Michele & Bill are finally dead... the gladiolas lasted a lot longer than I thought they would. But when they were still fairly new, I took one of the roses and one of the glad's and one of the purple baby's-breath-like flowers and hung them upside down to dry them. I did it to one of the tulips too, but that one fell apart the other day. So today, I cleaned out the vase, put the remaining purple stuff (cuz that's still alive), and the dried flowers back in the vase, and that is sitting on my desk... :) I like flowers, and it's a nice decoration too!!

Rick's family is starting to plan a trip out east for 2006. They want to take everyone - Carolynne and Dick (his parents), Tammy & Bob & Sarah & Heather, Angela & Oliver & Conor & Katelynne and Rick and myself. Each couple needs to decide between them if they're coming. So far, we're not counting on the husbands, but Rick and I have budgetted out so we can join them. I think it'll be fun. At first I was very upset and didn't want to go, but when Rick explained WHY we should go, and we worked funds around so I can at least get my engagement ring next year, I was happy. After the trip, we can start budgetting for the wedding :)

I can't think of anything else to talk about, really... Rick and I are going to see "Mr & Mrs Smith" tonight. I'm a HUGE Angelina Jolie fan, so I've been looking forward to this since it was announced in the spring. I'm on OPA (Off the Phone Activity) and doing some work for Norbert (my boss) but I'm basically done, so I wanted to take some time to type this out. So when I have some MORE time, and something to actually say, I'll be back. Love to those who want it and pffffffffttttttttttttt to those that don't *Grin*